Aaah... *sighs* It's time for me to make a confession, isn't it?
Well, well, well, I'm a girl. Huh okay...
Obviously this isn't a confession for the ones who know me all too well and have seen me face to face. This is a confession for the people with whom I'm talking via Internet and with whom I had originally introduced myself as a guy...
I assume an apology wouldn't be enough, but I really have nothing else to offer... Except for the truth?
I've been having great issues with my gender and sexuality... I've been in great denial for almost 10 years now.
I decided to ignore this issue -I hadn't figured out exactly what it was- until the situation got a bit out of hand and I was constantly visualizing myself as a guy. I was introducing myself as a guy on the Internet and I had even requested my friends to address me as a guy...
I never expected to even have to face this issue... I thought it'd always stay like that, I'd always live in this dream world of mine and be "happy" (no, I never truly was, I was unconsciously struggling myself for hating me that much...) and that everything was just "going to be okay"... Every little thing was going to work on its own.
So finally, the truth is that if you don't FACE whatever the fuck it is that troubles you, then you will *never* be able to find a solution and will never be able to be at peace.
But that, still doesn't take back this lie I had given you for so long, does it?

Just to be clear, everything else I had told you about me is 100% truth. Whether I had talked to you about my family or about my friends, everything is true.
I am not "gay" as in, I like men -physically- but when it comes to "love" I don't put labels on people. I don't care of the other's gender; what's in their soul is what matters to me... I will not reject a person sexually just because they're a woman. If the person is worth it and they can make me feel a certain way nobody else can, then I'll be open to that person, and accept them in my heart freely. No restraints because of their gender... I never really cared of other people's genders. It was my own I couldn't accept.

So um... Yeah... I guess this is it.
Whether you still want to talk to me or you don't, it's entirely up to you... Whether you decide to hate me or just "like" me in a really strict manner, this is your decision.
I am sorry for lying to you, but no matter how many apologies I give to you, I'm the most regretful for lying to my own self... Telling that everything was going to be okay, as soon as I rejected my gender and lived inside my head... Now that I've come to face the truth it's much harder than I thought it'd be, but it's actually much much much more relieving than I ever imagined...
I'm thankful that I am finally doing this... I never thought I would, but if I want to advance in my life, some changes must be made...
I am thankful for being me. This is who I am. Not Chris, not some random guy. Just Ria. (um yeap, that's my name.. A girly one. )
I am also thankful to the person who helped me see the truth... See the source behind it all.

So once again... Whether you want to ever forgive me or not it's *your* decision. I told you the facts as they are, I finally spoke truthfully.
I can understand if you feel betrayed (I probably would too) but I was so engulfed in this fairy tale in my head, that I *really* thought it would last forever... I really thought that I'd just have a sex change at one point or another and finally be freed of this... of myself pretty much. I wanted to be relieved of myself... How silly is that?
So uh... That's all...
I'm sorry again...